It has been 7 week today since I gave birth to my twin baby boys and in just over 24 hours it will be 7 weeks since one of my twins died. I still can’t believe that my life has taken such an unexpected turn. I never thought that this is something that would happen to me. After fertility struggles and treatment, after a very successful and happy singleton pregnancy and delivery – I just didn’t think or expect that I would carry my twin boys to one day short of 35 weeks, only to have a life shattering incident lead to the death of one of my boys.
I’ve been thinking about how I would start this blog pretty much every evening as I am trying to fall asleep. Potential blog posts / thoughts run through my head – thoughts and feelings that I need to get out and write down. The last time I blogged was the first time we were trying to get pregnant, it was a very stressful and emotional period in my life and blogging seemed to help immensely. I tried to blog again after the birth of my daughter and when we were trying to have another baby, but it never panned out. I was in a good place and I guess I never felt the real emotional need to blog. At the moment blogging seems like the right thing for me, but only time will tell if it will help or even be something I will be able to keep up with.
I have 7 weeks of thoughts and emotions to get out now, so it will probably take awhile to get what I want to say out. My background, the birth story, the death of Julian and dealing with his loss as well as dealing with his surviving newborn bother and toddler sister will probably unfold through a series of blog posts. I have a lot of personal catching up to do before I feel I can move on.
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