Pictures

Yesterday I went through pictures and video of Julian. I love and treasure the memories and images I have of him - but there are never enough.

I go through the pictures often and every time I question why I stopped taking pictures. I have about 300 pictures, not all great shots but there are at least a 100 good/clear ones. I take pictures of other people's babies,children and families, and get paid to do it. Often after a 2 hour shoot I will have well over 300 images to go through and pick out my favorite and best shots. So why, when it was my own son, who I would never see again, did I stop taking pictures that evening? The only answer I can give myself is I guess I wanted to be in the 'there and now' not stuck behind a lens. But I still regret not taking more pictures almost every day. I wish I had of called a life photographer and tried to get someone down to the hospital to capture more special moments and more of Julian's cuteness. I just wasn't thinking and I hadn't planned on fitting a lifetime of pictures into one short evening.

If I had the chance to go back and do it again I would take more pictures. Pictures of everything. Pictures and video of the bath we gave our son, his first and only bath. Julian's bath will always be one of my most treasured memories with him, I really felt like his mum. I was taking care of him, dressing him and doing something that seemed almost normal. It is also something I did for him that I was not able to do even with his twin brother who was in the NICU and bathed by a nurse for the first time. I really wish we had video taped Julian's bath - just one of my regrets in a very long list.