Life missing my forever baby Julian

This is a blog to voice my feelings and thoughts surrounding the death of my precious baby Julian. My twin pregnancy ended tragically with a catastrophic placental abruption. At 35 weeks my two sweet babies were born, and 36 hours later, one of my twin boys died in my arms. Now I have to figure out how life will continue with our surviving twin son and our 2 year old daughter.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

CAPTURE YOUR GRIEF 2012: Day 28 Memory


It is hard for me to choose just one memory. I have many favorite memories when I think about Julian. I also have many negative memories associated with his birth, care after delivery and death, but my happy memories tend to stick out more than my negative and sad ones.

One of my most treasured memories is meeting Julian for the very first time. It had been almost 2.5 hours since the boys were born that I was wheeled into the NICU to meet my sons. They took me to see Juilan first, and he looked perfect - so perfect that I assumed he was the more "healthy" twin. But he was not. I didn't get to hold him during our first visit, but I did get to touch him. And my favorite part of this memory is that he opened his eyes and looked right at me. He did it a few times, and I am now so thankful that I was given the opportunity to see his beautiful eyes. I also feel thankful for the fact that he got to see me and his daddy - the two people who waited almost nine months for his arrival and were so excited and happy to be his parents.  The short first visit I had with him in the NICU was the first and last time I got to see his eyes, by the time I got to visit him at Sick Kids hospital he was already in an induced comma. But I am so thankful we got to see each other  at least once.

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