Part 2: The Delivery of the Twins - A Living Nightmare

Once I was on the operating table I knew it would only be a short while until my boys were born. I was getting really uncomfortable from my contractions and I couldn’t wait to get my epidural so the pain would stop. The anesthesiologist seemed to be taking FOREVER, I don’t know if it was forever but it sure felt like it. I had had an epidural with my first delivery and the first time the anesthesiologist was really quick, this woman was just taking so long. I also remember there were alarms going off in the room, one of the baby warming beds was alarming and the nurses and doctors were joking about it. Again, everything in the room projected a pretty calm atmosphere, yes they were moving quickly, but there didn’t seem to be any indication that anything was going to be wrong or go wrong.

I remember drinking some kind of liquid for stomach acid, laying down, having the separation curtain raised, feeling something cold being spread on my abdomen and then the doctor cutting. I remember saying “where is my husband” and a nurse saying “her husband isn’t in here doctor”. The doctor replied that it was too late and he had already started. I could feel the doctor cutting and I told him I could feel it, he asked if I could feel pain and I couldn’t so he kept going. I felt layers of tissue being cut and separated and then pulling and pushing and then some pressure. While the doctor was working on taking baby A out I felt baby B kick me in the ribs.

At this point I was pretty scared to be laying cut open on a table all alone (it was nothing like caesarean sections on TV with the dad or support person by you). I didn’t even have a nurse holding my hand. I had arrived at the hospital scared because of the amount of blood there was when my water broke. They had detected two heart beats and seemed not to be overly rushing my section – so at this point I can say I honestly thought things were going to be ok. But they were not ok. The next moments changed my life in the most devastating way forever. Baby A was delivered at 5:18am and I listened for a cry – nothing. Nothing from my baby was followed by the dreadful words that will haunt me forever, “Baby A is flat line”. My first thoughts were ‘great my baby is dead, now what?’ At that point I was given something to pretty much numb my mind, I was there but at the same time I was not there. A brief glimpse of a paper white coloured baby flashed beside me, followed by a room full of chaos. All I could see was a sea of legs, people rushing over to the baby warmer and crowding around my baby. I kept hearing “push (amount) of epinephrine”, followed by “push another (amount) of epi”, there was no crying in the room just panic and chaos. During the chaos I know a code pink was called, someone was asking about the cord clamp and where it was or if it was there – I still don’t know what that means.

At 5:21am baby B was delivered, I didn’t know it because nothing was ever announced due to the chaos surrounding baby A. I was laying there just wondering what the hell had just happened and what was still happening. Everyone in the room was focused on something. Although I had physically not been forgotten as there was a doctor up to his elbows in my abdomen, I was definitely mentally and emotionally forgotten about. I knew I had been kicked by baby B while baby A was being delivered, so what about my other baby, was he alive or dead? I remember calling out “what is going on, can somebody please tell me what is happening?” It was the anesthesiologist who explained to me that baby A was delivered and was not breathing and his heart had stopped beating but they had his heart beating again and they were helping him breath. Then she told me that baby B was born and other then needing a little help breathing, he was doing fine. So both babies were alive – good. I don’t remember much from being told this news to arriving in recovery, to talking to a nurse and seeing my husband.

While I was in recovery, both babies were taken to the NICU. I hadn’t seen either of them. My husband came in to see me and we were told that baby A was born flat line. Was flat line for 8 minutes before they were able to get his heart beating again and that he was now in the NICU with a team of nurses. He was ventilated and he had lost more than 50% of his blood at birth. He needed a blood transfusion and they were waiting for special infant blood from Sickkids hospital. They were also waiting for a special team to transport him to Sickkids hospital. Because of the blood loss, they were having a very difficult time getting his blood pressure up and they were unable to keep it stable. I listened to the news, I knew what they were saying, and I knew it was bad, but he was alive and I didn’t know what to think. I honestly didn’t know if he would survive or die, but I was so happy to hear he was alive and that he was going to get the best care possible.

We were also told that baby B was doing fine, that he was on a c-pap machine – just in case he needed some help breathing. My husband was told he could go see them and I would be able to see them when I could move my feet and be moved out of recovery. I had also lost a lot of blood during the delivery and my body temperature had dropped. I remember shivering profusely, but willing my feet and legs to move so I could see my babies. It was torture laying in that bed, waiting to see my boys. Especially not knowing if one of them would survive or not, not knowing if I would ever get to see him alive. My husband went into see the boys and took the camera so he could take pictures and bring them back to me. While I was waiting, one nurse (the one who said she had detected two heartbeats when I arrived) came in, the look on her face made me feel like everything was NOT going to be ok, she couldn’t even make eye contact with me. Finally my husband came back. He looked horrible, like a truck had hit him. I asked him what was happening and he told me that Julian (baby A) was having a really hard time with his blood pressure and they were unable to wait for the infant blood, so they started the blood transfusion with regular blood. He showed me the pictures. Julian looked very pale in the pictures. He was ventilated and had bloodshot eyes. Jean-Luc (twin B), looked even scarier to me. The c-pap machine (which is really just air over the nostrils) was strapped on his head and just looked really scary.

About two hours after my c-section, I was able to be wheeled into the NICU to see the babies. They took me to see Julian first. I thought he was the “ok” baby, he looked prefect. I was told that he was in fact baby A, I couldn’t believe that my little guy, who looked so perfect could be struggling so hard to stay alive. I was able to touch him and talk to him. My bed made a loud noise and he startled to the noise and looked at me. I was so happy to see him respond to the noise, it meant his brain was functioning. I said my hellos and goodbyes and they promised to bring him to me in my room before he was taken to Sickkids.

My Julian - looking at mommy and showing me his beautiful eyes.

They then took me to see Jean-Luc, he was also perfect. He was crying and mucus was bubbling out. He was pink and squirming. He was perfect and warm. I was able to touch and stroke him. The nurses told me he was doing great and I was so happy that my little Jean-Luc was so strong and doing so well.

Jean-Luc meeting mommy.

I was then taken to my room in the postpartum ward.

I will post the first day in the hospital after the delivery of the twins in another post.