The New Year

December has passed and we had a nice family Christmas here. Lots of fun, lots of family and lots of toys for the kids. Christmas wasn't as hard as I had thought it might be. I thought of Julian a lot! I missed him terribly!  But I made it through the holidays.

Once Christmas was over, my thoughts turned to New Year's Eve. Last year I was so full of happiness and hope - this year I was so full of sadness and longing. It was hard to recognize that a full year had passed since I rang in 2012 with one in my arms and two in my belly and that this year I was welcoming the new year with only two in my arms and one forever in my heart. New Year's Eve was almost harder then Christmas.

Once New Year's Eve was over, the count down to the boys' first birthday began, and I am still counting. Only 3 more days until I hit the one year mark - and I have been dreading it. I feel really bad that I am not looking forward to it. I remember being so excited for my daughters first birthday, but I don't feel like celebrating this time. I feel a little overwhelmed with sadness just thinking about celebrating the birth of my twins, but with only one twin here. And knowing that the following day marks the 1 year anniversary of Julian's death. I know I can't avoid it and the day will come no-matter how much I wish it not to. So I am trying to just  make it past this weekend and survive the next few days.

 Some happy holiday photos!